I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
