Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
