I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
