I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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