Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
