maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
