What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
