I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My bed smells like the plague
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
