It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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