My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
