The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
