My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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