evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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