The maid of honor just puked.
i think i have two assholes
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
