It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
