I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
