Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
