AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
