OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
