I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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