What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize