I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize