Nicole vs. Life
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
