so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
