Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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