You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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