is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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