Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's on the porch naked. Help.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
