Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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