Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This baby is an asshole
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
