ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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