So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
