P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
