cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
