i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
