Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
