I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just pynch a tree in the face
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
