Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
