Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
