Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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