we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
