I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
