that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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