You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
