i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
