she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
