Small penises have feelings too.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
