I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
