everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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