the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
