guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
