mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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