she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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