i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
