I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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