Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
