dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
