goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
