Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize