My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Mom said you looked used
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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