I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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