Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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