Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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