There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
