Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize