I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
